I wish I only lived at night.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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