someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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