I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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