Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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