I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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