Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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