Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
