you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
