toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
