This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
