and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
