i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
we're making bets on your personal life
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
