His pubic hair was longer than his dick
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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