Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Two words: blizzard sex
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
