were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
