My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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