Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
