he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
