Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
