Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
