WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
