I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
