Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
This baby is an asshole
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
