between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
