You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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