Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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