does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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