Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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