he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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