Don't make out with my wife yet
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
