Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
