"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
