i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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