Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
