Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
