i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
