Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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