is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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