im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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