Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
