I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
