He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
MIDGETS
????
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
