So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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