you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
