So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
