Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
