He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
