i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
