do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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