He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
