I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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